.....and i realized that i have a lot to catch up on.
so.. prepare for a long long long long long post..
sorry.
where to begin..
my last post was about Mike
whom.. i am still with.. and am completely in love with.
weve been dating for almost 4 months now..  and i do have to say that while we have had a bunch of ups and downs lately..
were still going strong.
 by now youre probably wondering what im talking about.
well.. thats the long part.

up until now, things havent been that great really.
it got to a point to where i had to start sneaking around to see mike bc my parents didnt like me going out.
even tho i am 18-almost 19 (in less than a month)
i wasnt doing to great in school.. math was really giving me a problem.
and they started to blame it on seeing mike.
now.. math.. is hard.
and precalculus.. isnt easy.
i mean, they cant do high level math like i can.. so youd think theyd have some sympathy but no..
they screamed at me constantly.. and threatened to kick me out if i failed it.
first of all, I PAY FOR COLLEGE.. NOT THEM, ME. ALL BY MYSELF. ME JUST MY MONEY THAT I EARN.
and its not like.. i meant to be getting bad grades.
they thought i was doing it on purpose.
another thing; it seemed like everytime i turned around, my dad had a feeling that i was pregnant.
i mean.. naturally.. a girl craves food. i am allowed to want marshmellows or peperoni and cheese on crackers once in a while.
but everytime i wanted food, he insisted that i was pregnant.
and its none of his business what i do with my boyfriend.
and just for the record.. i wasnt and still am not pregnant.
and it just got out of control. everytime i turned around, i got yelled at for little things that didnt matter.
ya know.. not doing the dishes right away, or using too much gas in the truck (which i paid for)
doing my laundry on the wrong day.. even tho no one happened to be home for 5 hours and it had 20 min left in the DRYER when they got home from the BAR.
oh yea.. they screamed at me for laundry. and threatened to kick me out for it too.
well, one night, i came home from working all day.
it was like 730. i had to wait an hour and a half for my drunk dad to stumble out of the bar.
thats right. i sat there for an hour and 30 min after my shift at work ended at 6.
anyway.. i put tea water on and.. it was accidently the wrong burner.
and.. i almost lit a pie plate on fire.
well.. i got absolutly screamed at.
which.. i understand..
but it was more than that. they started brining up everything.
telling me im an air head, im stupid, im a college failure, i dont think,
they pretty much called me a slut bc they brought up the "youd rather skip class and be barefoot and pregnant with mikes 3rd kid he wont take care of"
yeah thats right, they started trash talking mike.. really bad. which wasnt the first time.
they just..kept putting me down over and over again.
i mean, its bad enough that ihave to worry about whether or not i have a place to stay after christmas.
so..i told them i was going for a walk.
they took my phone, so i RAN to my best friend Ri's house.
she wasnt even home.. just her dad and brother.
and her mom.. she was asleep tho.
i was crying my eyes out. and her dad had no clue what to do with me.
but they called ri and told her to come right home.
eventually she did, and her mom woke up.
they told me to stay the night.
so i went home..
i was gonna tell my parents but when i got back they immediatly started yelling again.
ri was waiting in her van for 45min for me to come out with my stuff.
 when she reved the engine, my stepmom said "that better not be for you"
i told her it was and that i wanetd to stay at ris house for the night to clear my head.
she told me not to come back.
so.. she left for work.. and i packed up what little i could: my school books, a pillow and blanket, my twilight books, computer, and my dirty laundry basket full of clothes. i went to tell my dad i was leaving. and all he could say was:
"did you get your stuff out of the bathroom?"
so i did.. and then i left.
i stayed at ris for a week. i contacted my mother in south carolina, and told her to make room for me.
i was coming home.
me and mike had been taklin about it for a while.. and he came with me.
he bought me a phone after a few days.. we bought a suitcase, and i got the plane tickets.
it was hard for a while.. bc it was hard to see him or talk to him we were constantly fighting and arguing
he even got into a big fight with ri.. and now they cant stand each other.
that was hard.. living between them..and their arguing.
two nights before they dropped me off at mikes house. i had to help him pack, and it was easier for my grandfather to pick us up from his house than two seperate places.
we spent our first night together that night.
i loved the feeling.  i hadnt had sleep that great since.. well i had been dating zac.. but thats not relevant.
i got to lay in his big warm arms all night.. we were so close i could smell his skin all over..
i slept so great that night.
when we woke up the next morning, we snuggled for hours.. and then we got a shower together.
:)
afterwards.. we walked a mile to a wawa to get food, and we finished packing.
my grandfather picked us up that night.. and we left for his house.
we stayed up late watching mikes football game. he likes the eagles.. and it would be his last chance to see a game for a  while.. so we stayed up til midnight..
then, we went to bed.
we woke up the next morning at 415. we had to be on the plane at 7:15.
we got driven to the air port.. and dropped off.
i was nervous about our bags: we had 2 big suitcases. and one personal item.
i think the personal item was too big.. but we got away with it.
i was afraid mikes bag would be too heavy.. and that we couldnt have enough money to pay for the bags.
it was too heavy.. but the lady told us to take out a few things and put it in our personal item bag so we wouldnt have to pay an overweight fee.
so.. we paid 56 dollars for our bags.. which was less than i expected.
i felt so relieved.
next was security.. i was so nervous.. it usually takes forever to get through it.. and i was afraid we wouldnt have time.
we got through real quick and easy.. we had a good 45min wait  to board.
the plane ride was mostly smooth. we hit some turbulence.. mike was a nervous wreck. he hates hights..
and every bump put him on edge.
i was so happy to see mom.she picked us up in myrlte beach.. and that was a long car ride home.
since then, things have been a lot better.
 i mean.. its a lot less stressful here, im happy to be with my mom, and i get to spend time with mike without asking for it.
 we dont have a car or jobs yet.. and i  have to re-enroll in college and start over.. but overall im happy.
id say both of us are happy.
and might i say there are no more lonely sleepless nights. :)
ive got my love sleeping right there next to me.
its a little tight here.. my mom lives in a little camper.. and while most of the time its 3 of us..
 her boyfriend and his kids come over on weekends.. so it adds up to 6.. so it gets hectac and cramped with the kids here.'
but like i said.. we are mostly happy. were saving up for a place of our own. were just staying with mom til we get on our feet.
im gonna close the blog.. its a long one.
ill be on much more often now.. probably tomorrow. :)

Im sorry I havent been posting again.
 Things are so busy with school..and work.
 And mike.
 Not that that is anything to be complaining about.
 Bc its far from that.
We went out Tuesday night after I had class. I left school, came home.. Quick got dressed
 (I looked damn cute btw)  And…
I picked him up
. We kissed when he got in the car. <3 and we went to the movies.
 Lol He held my hand when I was driving
 It was so cute
 When we got to the movies, he gave me a hug-
and OH MY GOD..
 He smelled so good. I couldn’t stand it.
 I found my self sniffing him periodically the rest of the night. (not that he noticed lol)
 But the only movie that was playing was “life as we know it” It started at 9:50pm So..
 We ate at taco bell while we waited
 Oh.. And did I forget to say that he called me beautiful again?
 Yep. He did.
 And I couldn’t stop smiling.
So we got back to the theatre.. We walked in..
 and I real quick went to the bathroom
. (all day I was at school.. And I looked so shitty. I went home to get ready but it was just real fast. I wanted to make sure I didn’t look like I got hit by a truck still)
So I fixed my hair.. And then we walked to the movie.
 We were the only ones in the room.
 I was a bit distracted during the film- I mean.. he smelled so good..
 And the way he has his arms wrapped around me.. I felt like I was dreaming
. And periodically I could feel him look at me..
 And when id turn to stare back hed kiss me..
 And every time.. I screamed on the inside like a little girl.
 It was.. So… amazing.
 I had butterflies in my stomach..
 And my heart was racing.
 I could feel my mind slipping away from the movie.. I was so distracted.
 The way he kisses is like..
 Omg its so good! Its gentle.. But.. Intense..
 And the way he was holding my face.. It was so sweet.’
 After the movie was over.. I had to take him home.’
 He put his arm around me as we walked out to the car.
 And I gave him one last kiss before we climbed in.
 We held hands on the way to drop him off again.. But he was silent.
 I later found out that he didn’t want to go.
 At every red light.. I leaned across the arm rest to kiss him.
 When I pulled up to his house.. It got kinda sad.
He gave me one last kiss- And he hugged me one last time with those amazing arms.
 I didn’t want to let go. The feeling of being in his arms made me feel so wanted.
 I could feel the passion flowing from his body to mine.
 It was like a dream again. One that had to end for a night.
 And the way he softly gripped my hair before he let go..
 I didn’t want him to go. He got out of the truck and walked into the house.
 I hated to watch him go..
 But as I pulled away.. And came to the stop light.. I sat there..
 And I felt my body melting
 I wished I could hit the rewind button.
 And re live it.
 I was so sad that it was over.
 We have such a connection already.. Its.. Unbelievable.
 I miss him already. And I cant wait til I see him again.

man, i havent been on in forever.
my internet has been shut off.. and yeah.. i can get on at college but..
a lot of things have been going on lately.. i havent been staying at school.
okay... so.. my life is pretty much the same except for some drama.
mostly albert drama.
this might get a little confusing.. but ill try to be specific.
so.. all the people im fixin to mention work at walmart : me, my step mom, mike, and albert.
me and albert work days
mike and step mom work at night.
mike is somewhat a friend of albert. and IS afriend of my stepmom.
mike and albert were talking and he happened to ask albert if he knew any single women.
albert said me.
.. thats right me.
after weve been seeing each other.. he mentions me.
he also says, we never dated. and that he never liked me.
apparently i liked him.
uh huh.
so.
my stepmom gave mike my number. (she really likes him)
and weve been texting .
needless to say.. i texted albert and said "youre afucking jerk, i cant believe you said that.im not dealing with your shit anymore. and thanks for pushing mike in my direction. were dating"

so i have a new boyfriend.
so.. in between classes ive been seeing him.
hes such a sweetheart. ive never had a boyfriend that called me gorgeous or pretty or beautiful so many times in a day.
and he texts a lot. and calls me a lot.
and we have so much more in common.
like.. slipknot and threedays grace are two top fav. bands of both of us.
and.. i was listening to his zune, and backstreet boys 'the call' came on.
he told me 'go ahead and laugh' but i told him 'its okay.. i have it on my mp3 player too'
and that triggered the laughing
then we were listening to slipknot.
i said "i dont care what anyone says. i know people hate 'snuff' because its one of their softer songs, but its my favorite.'
i was surprised to find out.. its his too.
like.. we have so much in common.. its crazy.
its so exciting.
and he doesnt push me as far as kissing or sex is concerned.
like.. albert kept pressuring me to kiss him.. and lt took me awhille
(past blogs)
{okay.. this is a little side thing that has nothing to do with what im talking about. im watching my friend ashley study with her friend.. and its so cute.. shes totally flriting with him and its so damn cute. they have such chemistry. they should date}

i have to leave for class.. ill finish blogging later.

OMMGGGGG
SO MY CONCERT WAS AMAZING.
 i wish i could hit the rewind button :D
it was a long car ride. but we jammed the whole way.. and started wearing our voices out before it even started.
maries poor brother was on crutches.. and had to walk a far distance from the car to the stadium.
:(
but he said he still had a blast.
anndddd omg.. adam gontier.
you are one sexy beast.
i wish i couldve been closer to dazzle at your amazinly attractive face and unbelievable sexy long hair.
:)
haha sorry.. i had a moment.
weve gotta go see three days grace next
oh.. and buckcherry was pretty good.
we think he was sick tho. he kept running outa breath. :(
but he was dancin like a mad man.
gee hes so freakin good lookin too.
his body is like a canvas for tatoos.
mmm.
yum!
and they played crazy bitch so naturally, i was satisfied.
i got one of their shirts too :) ill post a pic when i wear it.

i also got a three days grace shirt.

nickleback was kick ass too.
i cant wait to seethem again eventually haha
our hotel wasnt a buggy hotel this time so..
but it was a smoking room.. so it was a little unbearable but w/e

well im sitting at school in the cafe.
i had a cancled class today so me and ri went to the mall for icecream. and um.. a trip to spencers
thats all ill say about that =X lol
i just got done with psyc and waiting on chem
which i have an exam in today.
buti  know ill do good bc its on stoich and general naming and stuff
and i love stoich so.. <3

so im at school!
and theres somethin creepy goin on in the cafe.
some kinda weird performance with tribal music or somethin
0.0
it overpowered my mp3 player... so im just mysteriously sitting in the lobby on my laptop like a black blob.
lol
pre calc dragged by.. i mean. its kinda flustering my brain.
polynomials are terrible i freakin hate them.
its all these numbers and varriables blustering around in my head..
so much to remember.
that and i have a terrible splitting headache- im wondering if its from lack of caffine,
although i am drinking my coffee as we speak.
=/
i didnt get much sleep last night either. i was tired.. but not physically.
i went to bed around 1:30am this morning.
i need my rest this week tho.
my concert is saturday.
must
save
energy
for
headbanging madness!
haha.
i cant wait.
especially for three days grace.
:D
i hope to hear "Pain"- ugh ill scream if it comes on.
this weekend sucked. i pretty much worked the whole time.
=/
long long long days.
boring!
and ignorant customers.
i wanted to punch a wall or somethin.
im tellin ya.
i went to walmart with ri the other night tho.
i ran into her at wawa- i walked my fat ass overthere at 10pm to get ice cream :D
it was quite tasty.

>.> people are dancing and singing in the cafe.. i can see them..
weirdddd... 0_0
its like.. tribal music.

i think ill stick to marilyn manson thanks. :D

why is it so freakin cold in here?

okay. so we recently got stripped stockings at walmart in time for halloween!
unfortunatly, hot topic turned into the whore store now... and they dont sell stockings like they used to.
no.
they are too caught up in justin bieber and the jersey shore!
so.. i have to go to the halloween store.. to keep my creepy image :0
bastards.. how dare they change their style..
i cant even get tripp pants there anymore. you have to go online.
however.. some of their skirts are cute..
but no.. im not shoppping there >=[
that really raises my bloodpressure.
ugh.. i hate it.

okay.. so theres this guy thta goes to college.. and he looks like josh.
fml?
hes like. mia lately.
i cant get ahold of him
his phone isnt working :(
and hes never on facebook
that bugs me a lot
okay.. im gonna close this up.
im rambling about nonsense..
<3